Chasin’ The Wine at Batista’s Hole in the Wall

Two things that throw me off my Vegas game: 1) Bad Shoes and 2) Wine. Yes, wine is something that invites Vegas SJ out after a couple of glasses. It starts with a giggle and turns into a challenge to finish ALL the wine. Not sure why, but Vegas SJ views a bottle of wine as a conquest, something that can’t be wasted…even if she is wasted.

A real off Strip hole in the wall is Batista’s Hole in the Wall. Located behind the Flamingo and on the other side of the High Roller, the flashing neon sign is as Vegas as it gets. Walking into Batista’s gives all the big Italian family vibes with pots and pans hanging from the ceiling of the dimly lit restaurant. Tables are covered in white tablecloths and red cushioned seats accompany rooms where you can dine with Frank, Dean and Sammy as their photos adorn the walls. Yeah, it looks like someone’s garage blew up several times, but that’s the charm. Batista’s, an authentic Italian eatery, has been around since 1970 and if you ask “what’s good?” you will quickly and unashamedly be told “we’ve been in business over 50 years, it’s all good.” Each meal is served with a soup or salad, an entrée and topped off with a legit cappuccino. Menu boards are placed around the dining room for guests to order by number. Fair warning…this is not Olive Garden Italian food. If you are expecting a very American Italian taste, you will be disappointed.

Included in the price is bottomless house white and red wine that are immediately placed on your table. This is one way to drink cheap in Vegas… A bonus, if the little, elderly gentleman who plays the accordion is around he will play you a signature song from your state: for us, “the stars at night, are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas.” Batista’s is an affordable and memorable experience, and a Vegas must.

We take our friends Mr. and Mrs. Pointbreak Dave to Batista’s. This is our second Vegas trip together so we are still really getting to know how each person does (and handles Vegas). We cheers to the wine, the food is ordered, we are serenaded and the good times begin. Mr. SJ and Pointbreak Dave turn out not to be wine drinkers and stopped at one glass even though there were 2 full carafes; so, it is up to the ladies to not waste. I know I ordered the night’s special which was a scallop dish and it was freaking fantastic! So fantastic that I recommended it to EVERYONE.

The white carafe is empty and the red carafe is holding just enough for 2 more glasses of wine when the table next to me seats four gentlemen who well…. are very open about their affection for each other. Vegas SJ is very comfortable at this point, and begins to chat with these fellows. I tell them how amazing the food is, and when asked what to eat I immediately say the “scallop special”. After 3 of the 4 ordered the special, Vegas SJ continues to chat with them about their stay and plans for the trip giggling and completely unaware of my table giving the “shush we are ready to go” signal.

Understand, Vegas SJ has all of her wits, she is just very loud and very friendly and bit more Southern in the accent. So, I wave goodbye to my new friends and wish them a great meal and trip and probably a few other things before I’m ushered out the door. And this is where things can be tricky… It’s July and we walk a lot in Vegas so I rock my favorite Olukai flip flops. Just outside of Batista’s a massive amount of loose rock decides to move under my flip Olukais and cause me to do an ice skating move, not once but twice. Mr. SJ does nothing to assist in my near Vegas fall, but laugh with Pointbreak Dave. It’s Mrs. Pointbreak who comes to my rescue by grabbing my arm and helping me to solid ground.

In this moment of fear and frustration of being laughed at, I utter the words “Mrs. Pointbreak Dave will be my friend” [emphasis on friend]. In which she responds, “Yes SJ I will be your friend.” The night ends (or begins) with us at a craps table with someone else’s vodka Red Bull (delish). Pro Tip: Casino floor drinks can take a long time, and often people leave before getting their order, always be willing to take those unclaimed drinks. During this roll session, I may have yelled things like “Gimme a 4 or an 8 shooter” which with my natural slur now embellished with drink sounded more like “Gimme 48”. Some even claim that Vegas SJ yelled “48 come on Jimmy Johnson”… I continue to deny such accusations.

Wine should not be wasted unless its really bad, or really salty (there’s a story). And while the chase was on to get to the bottom of the carafe, I found out that I have a friend in Mrs. Pointbreak Dave who won’t stop until I stop when the boys won’t drink. Who wants (and can) #chaseme to the bottom of bottomless wine and to solid ground from Batista’s Hole in the Wall?